I have PMS and a gun.

I sense a week of blood and QQing very soon...

Or I'm just being especially bitchy and you're being especially dickwad-ish.


I need a hug. :(

Anyway, I have a shitload of stuff to do and I'm not going to do them. INSTEAD I'M GONNA WRITE A MAD LIB INSTEAD. :DDDDD

Dear -Last person to comment on your blog-,

I've thought this over, and I think -1-. I really hope you understand, but -2- recently made me aware that -3-. I never thought I'd have to say this, but -4- and I can't wait for you to -5-. Also, I saw you -6- and it just -7- thinking about it. Also, I left your -8- -9-, but I'm keeping your pet -10-, -11-. I hope this -12-

-13-,
Your name

P.S. -14-.

1. What's your favourite colour?
Red- We have too many differences
Blue- You're an ass.
Green- It's not going to work.
Yellow- You're homosexual.
Pink- I saw you sleeping with my mother.
Black- You're ugly.
White- This friendship is over.
Other- Your phone number is too hard to remember

2. When's your birthday?
January - My mom
February - My dad
March - My oldest brother
April - Your slutty sister
May - My best friend
June - Your sexy cousin
July - That one mailman
August - That Englishman over there
September - My grade 6 teacher
October - Your spiritual adviser
November - The voices
December - Your ugly neighbour

3. How many people live in your household right now?
1- You dissected my pet rock
2- Your dog took a piss on my lawn
3- You fucked my gardener
4- You cut down my cherry tree
5- My pet gerbil is currently in your bathtub
6- You cheated during that last Poker game we had
More- You sold my panties on eBay

4. What kind of pets do you have? (Only choose one)
Cat- It's over
Dog- You're a jerk
Hamster- It was never meant to be
Rabbit- I never liked you
Snake- I hope you burn
Fish- Fuck you
Other- My mom told me not to trust you

5. What's your favourite type of food?
Chinese- Die
Japanese- Go on vacation in Spain
Indian- Get fired
French- Retire
Italian- Cook me dinner
Mexican- Go home
American- Try my homemade apple pie
Other- Make bead jewelery with me.

6. What time is it right now?
1:00-2:59- Making out with my chickens
3:00-4:59- Sleeping on my trampoline.
5:00-6:59- Eating a pencil
7:00-8:59- Playing with my LEGO blocks
9:00-10:59- Eating from my trashcan
11:00-12:59- Sitting on my dog

7. How old are you?
5-8- Frightens me
9-12- Makes me smile
13-16- Pisses me off
17-20- Makes me burst out in spasms of laughter
21-24- Makes me want to cry
25-28- Send shivers down my spine
29+- Makes me want to eat a lawn chair

8. What does your first name start with?
A-B- Porn collection
C-D- Ring
E-F- Antique flute
G-H- Transparent purple dildo
I-J- Empty wallet
K-L- Pink-and-white pony doll
M-N- Fuzzy handcuffs
O-P- Naked pictures
Q-R- Paint set
S-T- Maple syrup candy
U-V- Pet gerbil
W-X- Letters
Y-Z- RuneScape login information

9. What's your favourite drink?
Water- on your doorstep
Soda- in your refrigerator
Juice- your window sill
Hot Cocoa- on your fence
Milk- in your mailbox
Other- in your e-mail inbox

10. What kind of music do you like?
Rock- Cat
Pop- Dog
Rap- Rock
R&B- Hamster
Metal- Prostitute
Blues- Snake
Classical- Alligator
Jazz- Sister
Other- Maneating sunflower

11. What kind of cellphone do you own?
Sony- Doraemon
Nokia- Abraham Lincoln
Motorola- Bin Laden
Blackberry- Jackie Chan
LG- Kat Von D.
None- Hillary Clinton
Other- George Washington Bush

12. What's your favourite cake flavour?
Plain- Offends you
Vanilla- Isn't too much of a shock
Chocolate- Gives you a hard-on
Coffee- Kills you
Cheese- Makes you feel warm and fuzzy
Fruit- Brings you to tears
Other- Gives you a stroke

13. First letter of last name?
A-B- Sincerely
C-D- Truly yours
E-F- Go die
G-H- Burn in hell
I-J- I hope you realize your obsession for Harry Potter
K-L- Bite me
M-N- Fuck you
O-P- Go drown
Q-R- I love you
S-T- Don't write back
U-V- Bye for now
W-X- I hate you
Y-Z- Not missing you

14. Candy?
Chocolate- I'm pregnant
Gumballs- You still owe me 25 dollars
Twizzlers- This is not a joke
Jawbreakers- I really did sleep with your sister
Smarties- I eat children for breakfast
Skittles- I ran over your dog on the way to work today
M&Ms- No, we can't just be friends.
Other- I hate your in-laws.


EXAMPLE:

Dear akira,

I've thought this over, and I think we have too many differences. I really hope you understand, but your slutty sister recently made me aware that you sold my panties on eBay. I never thought I'd have to say this, but it's over and I can't wait for you to cook me dinner. Also, I saw you playing with my LEGO blocks and it just makes me smile thinking about it. Also, I left your maple syrup candy on your fence, but I'm keeping your pet prostitute, Doraemon. I hope this gives you a hard-on.

Bite me,
Tracy

P.S. I'm pregnant.